On Emotion
Daily BFRB Recovery Text Message Samples
BIG NOTE! I have chosen to use MMS texting, instead of the shorter, more common SMS texting format so I can convey longer messaging, so it's very important to make sure your device can receive mms. Otherwise I recommend receiving them via email. MY DAILY BFRB RECOVERY MESSAGE:
ON EMOTIONS: a huge driver for my BFRB behaviors was having intense emotions that I did NOT want to feel. I would panic when the more difficult emotions arose; fear, anger, sorrow, frustration, impatience, etc.. I felt letting them flow would literally kill me! I would clamp them down, get drunk, dissociate, simply denying them, anything in order to NOT feel them. That did NOT work, as I began self-medicating with drugs & alcohol to not feel; It took a serious intervention to get me checked into an inpatient rehab to receive life-saving treatment for my “self medication problem.” Today, I have learned not to fight how I feel, finding the less resistance I have to the flow of my emotions the more enjoyable they are, & the better they are processed. AND …. my BFRB behaviors are less often triggered!
. Today I notice my emotions, feel them, & if needed, take immediate action. This might be:
1. Slowing down, & focus on diaphragmatic breathing to engage my parasympathetic system;
2. Jumping in the shower to flood my aura with negative ions;
3. Getting out in Nature, barefoot if possible;
4. Asking a loved one to ive me a hug;
5. Standing & shaking my whole body! (see Peter Levine’s somatic trauma work).
Over time, I've learned to process, & much more easily navigate, emotions at levels that seemed unbearable in the past.
Today, I am SO much more at ease in my body!
Much Love, Christina
To OPT OUT, enter STOP
On Awareness
I used to think I was super aware, & ALWAYS knew when I pulled or picked. SO NOT TRUE! It wasn’t until I became curious enough about what WAS I actually DOING, that I became willing to open my eyes for real. I had resisted tracking, sure it was a waste of time. Then one day I started tracking, & did so for 4 months. When I put the calendar pages up on my wall, I could see patterns I didn’t notice day-to-day. For instance, a day after gorging on sugar, I would find myself excessively picking or pulling. Or, leaving work in Friday and heading home without resolving a negative interaction with a co-worker before I left, Then those wild hormonal swings that surround menstrual periods! In my 20’s & 30’s, I was SURE my world was collapsing onthly basis; then, a spot of blood, and I would be happy! Oh, it was my hormones! I lost a lot of hair to my monthly cycle for years, Once I got out of denial, i investigated ways to de-stress during that period of time. 10 days before I would be due to menstruate, I would take extra calcium and D3, I would eat less sugar and eat more protein; focus on getting to bed on time.
NOTICING the unfolding of each moment, the intake and release of a single breath; how the sun shines, glistening on a drop of water; the sounds of children playing; The sound made by my wooden chair as i stand up... Learning to wake up and really be present is such a gift!
On Spirituality
I don’t know why, but I am a visionary of sorts. All my life I have received visions, of varying intensity and complexity. From childhood, I felt the Presence of a Love greater than me, but felt so broken, I feared seeking it. Early on, I named it Jesus, then Buddha Nature, followed by Great Spirit and Higher Power. At 34, I experienced a vision of such beauty and clarity, it compelled me to develop a “voice” for BFRBs. I opened TLC. Today, I have no need to name this Presence other than Love. But as words help convey information, somtimes I will use the words “God,” “Allah” “YAHWEH,” or “Higher Power,” but mostly use “The Flow for the Greater Good” which sgnifies to me the embodiment of Living Love. Over time I came to understand the source of what I call “me” (which is ALL of me, including my BFRBs!) is this Great Love, a Force completely beyond my limited comprehension, but worth true devotion.
When I transit onward, I have a hunch it is to this Profundity of Love I shall return. My problem is as a busy minded human, swept up regularly in the chaos of daily life it is often difficult to remember this deep truth, staingy grounded in the unfolding moments of Creation. As Mother Theresa stated at a talk she gave in the late 1970’s in San Jose, California, that I read about at the time in the San Jose Mercury News; “Lord, the little I can do, let me do now. For I am but a drop in your Ocean, but without me, the Ocean is one drop less.”
"In the End, Love Wins.”
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